My heart’s beating like a TVed clock

I’m not a big advocate of Valentine’s day, in the same ways that i am not a big advocate of Christmas or Thanksgiving. There need to be more holidays with inscribed drinking activities, so as to spur semi-distant family members into sharing feelings. But I am a fan of making lists of music that I like, so I figure I can use Valentine’s day as an excuse to bite off Moacir and Whet and others and share some shit that I lifted from the same online Usenet or whatever that Whet was talking about the other time. Actually people are looking at me like I should be doing work when they walk by. Let me assure you that when I get a minute, I’m going to bring you a neatly categorized list of music that I’ve heard recently. And the categories are going to be sort of like this

1. Nice songs
Somewhere in the Onion there was once a joke about how someone’s subletter was trying to convince them that Kenny Rogers (with and without the First Edition) were actually an incredibly good band. My understanding of the pre-Gambler K. Rogers is that the First Edition did that song in the Big Lebowski about checking in to see what condition your condition was in. But I can now proudly say that the greatest hits of K.R. plus the First Edition are deeply enjoyable. So I don’t understand what the Onion was trying to prove or I guess they were just making some kind of weird reverse reverse hipster joke. I think I mentioned Kris Kristofferson already. Also extremely necessary: More Specials by the Specials. Very good. Excellent music to stumble around Promontory Point in a fog.

2. Songs by Burt Reynolds that are cited in the title of this post (no longer true after inserted paranoia)
“Let’s Do Something Cheap and Superficial” by B. Urt Reynolds.
From a musical approach, about as worthwile as William Shatner singing “Rocket Man” or something. Actually possibly even less worthwile; I can’t say how compentent Shatner is a singer but Burt falls somewhere in between Ashlee Simpson and me, as far as ability to carry a tune goes. And the backing music is really snotty generic ’70s countrypolitan. The lyrics, on the other hand, are really TVing good. As a result I give this my highest recommendation, which is like 2.5 snaps.

3. Songs that give me the Fear
“The Weight of My Chains” by Tompall Glaser and/or the Glaser Brothers.
This was located off one of the readymade klassic kountry mixes that some noble soul posts on EasyNews. Basically this song broke my head from the first line, which is “I almost made it in to work today.” The rest of it sort of takes the concept of Old Sad Bastard Music from High Fidelity into the realm of expressionist art. God damn this song. This song could overpower like sex acts and underbaked cookies to make me depressed.

4. Songs that are in Withnail & I, which i watched yesterday
Jimi Hendrix’s version of “All Along the Watchtower” is actually, I’m prepared to admit, slightly better than the Bob Dylan version. On the other hand, “Voodoo Chile” encapsulates the entire problem with Jimi Hendrix which is that his lyrics are like fourth-rate psych crap. Like you could find better lyrics on Dutch freakbeat records about vegetables. I will grant that “Voodoo Chile,” sonically, is apt for soundtracking a drunk maniac driving a TVed-up Jaguar down the highway and then tinkling all over a police station.

5. Songs that are creepy a capellas about how your relationship is fucked up
“Communicate” by Twin Diet
Also from EasyNews (I think these are all from EasyNews, after a moment’s thought). This is just some weird archaeo-indie rock crud. If this was an MP3 blog i guess I could post it. I’s starting to understand the futile aspect of this.

This the part where I lose steam and get back to writing an e-mail to my mom. I also have to finish the Dennis Haysbert story and the book proposal and write a bunch of stuff about cue sports. So I’m going to take my leave of you. I apologize for the unscheduled instance of narrative, or at least grammatical, cohesion in a place where I depend on both those things never darkening the door.

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